New post over on my new blog

This is just a shorte note to those of you who aren’t as yet tracking me on Facebook or Twitter that I have posted a new post over at www.whoturnedthelightsout.com – if you’ve not visited my new blog yet then I would recommend you do so as I won’t be putting new posts up here.

 

Oh and for those of you who asked, yes there is now a feature on the new blog for you to sign up to receive new entries via RSS or email; as I said previously it is still a work in progress so do bear with me!!

 

So go on head over to www.whoturnedthelightsout.com and read my latest musings on the world of blindness!!

New year, new blog!!

 

 

 

Where has the time gone?!!  We’re already nearly at the end of Jan 2012 and much to my frustration I’ve been rather quiet on the blog front.  There are the usual excuses for this i.e. busy family life and general lack of focus / discipline but it’s also because I’ve been tinkering around with a new look blog and a new address for it.

 

Nope there’s nothing wrong with the standard WordPress one I’ve been using since starting this blog last summer but I just wanted to change things about a bit and make it all a bit more proefessional looking in the hope that it will spur me on to update it more and potentially reach a wider audience.  To be honest when I started blogging about life following my accident which left me with no sight I wasn’t sure where it would go or who (if anyone!) would read it but as I’ve enjoyed the experience and have had on the whole encouraging feedback I’m thinking I may as well take it a bit more seriously and see what happens.

 

 

So from now on you will be able to find me at www.whoturnedthelightsout.com although this WordPress site will remain as it is for the time being.  The new blog is still a work in progress and I am working on some new posts to hopefully put up in the next week or so bear with me but I thought I’d give you advance warning – I know you can hardly bear the excitement!!

 

So here’s to 2012 and www.whoturnedhtelightsout.com and thanks as ever to you all for reading and commenting, keep it going and a big thanks as ever to my good friend Andy White for his ongoing techie advice and support!!

 

 

Goalball gold at last!!

If you read my post in October about “Why I play blind sport at nearly 40″you will know that one of the sports I’ve taken up again in the past year or so is goalball.  As with blind cricket it’s something that I flirted with whilst studying at Nottingham Trent although I actually played for the Leeds B team – but that’s another story!!  I only played for a year or so and my abiding memory is of us being the only B team in a national Goalball championship and being hammered by lots of stronger more experienced teams, oh and the fact I could hardly walk up the stairs in my student house for nearly a week afterwards!!  One of my friends at the time did go on to play for the GB men’s team in the Atlanta Olympics but I lost touch with both him and the sport and just put it down to one of those things I’d had a go at but not done much with.

Fast forward to October 2010 and I found myself donning the funky knee and elbow pads and the oh-so-fetching blackout goggles again as I dragged myself out of retirement to help get the Nottingham Sheriffs off the ground.  The team is a joint-venture between the Notts Royal Society for the Blind and the University of Nottingham and as with most things sporty over the past year or so I can point the finger at Faye Dale (NRSB’s  Sports & healthy lifestyle officer) and Hannah Webber ( the University’s Disability Sports Officer) for twisting my arm to get involved.  My original plan was to help get things going but then to pull back as the team got off the ground, little did I know that in the matter of just over 12-months I’d be part of a tournament winning side and ending up as top goal scorer!! 

Skip ahead again to this Saturday and that is exactly what has just happened as  we took part in a national novice tournament in Hull and came away as gold medal winners.  It was a good tournament and we had to play a few quite tight games but we did come away undefeated having won all 6 of our games and having in total scored 26 goals and only conceding 6!!<

To say I’m pleased is an understatement as I’ve never won any sporting medals in my life and as a team we’ve  gone from being humiliated in our first tournament in November 2010 to being silver medallists and now tournament champions!!  Ok so it’s only the novice league and I’m by far the oldest player in the league but who cares, a gold medal is a gold medal and we had to work hard at it as a team.  What’s even more satisfying is that we also managed to blood some new players in some of our games and we still managed to win every game we played.  So a very satisfying (if incredibly tiring!!) day was had by all and what’s more I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would the next day and could even manage to walk up and down the stairs with only a little pain!

I’ve no idea what’s next or how far I can or can’t go in the sport but it’s good to know that the training and work in the gym Iis paying off and that there’s life in the old dog yet!!  So a huge thanks to my fellow team-mates and Hannah and Faye for their support and encouragement and let’s see what 2012 brings!!  Oh and if you want to know more about goalball then checkout http://www.goalballuk.com  

 

Preaching this Sunday

This Sunday sees me do something that I’ve not done much of recently and which I’ve certainly not done since losing my sight in July. What might this be you ask? Well this might surprise a few of you but I’ll be preaching at our local Baptist church.

Yep that’s right the folks at Beeston Baptist Church have been brave enough to let me loose in the pulpit for the first time since I spoke there in May of this year. Those of you who know something of the journey we’ve been on as a family over the past few years will know that Erica and I used to be involved in leading a church plant in Northumberland and a major part of my role was preaching on a Sunday. so it’s not exactly a case of me having to do something i’ve not done before or which i’m completely new to. I may not be the best at it and I know my lack of practice will show but I do generally enjoy doing it and I do think God has given me a voice that news to be heard.

You would therefore think that I would be pleased to have been ask to preach and would be looking forward to putting my past experience to good use. Well in many ways I am, although it probably wasn’t the best idea to agree to do it at a time when our house is in chaos with building work and when Erica is busy all Friday evening and all day Saturday meaning I am on kid-duty!!! More significantly than all this however is the fact that it is the first time I will be preaching to a congregation that I can not see at all.

In the past I’ve never really been able to see much of what’s happening in the congregation whilst speaking, I have relied more on the verbal feedback which I always hoped wouldn’t just be snoring or bored shuffling noises. I have never been able to see people’s faces or gauge body language and so this Sunday will be no different. Bizarrely enough I have in the past also been told what good eye contact I have which has always made me chuckle! This Sunday however I really will be preaching “blind”. I am all too aware of how self-conscious i could feel and how awkward I might look and my worst fear is that I will lose my orientation and end up preaching to the bak wall or something random like that!

At this point many of you are probably telling me to stop worry what people think and that God will use me in my weakness, yes you’re quite correct, I do know that and I can testify to many times before when God has spoken through despite my weaknesses and I really do hope this is the case this time. As true as this is however I really am quite nervous about how it will all go and whether or not I’ll come away from it thinking “that’s it, I’m never preaching again”.

to be fair to the good folks at Beeston Baptist they are a very encouraging bunch and I do genuinely feel a sense of acceptance from them of who I am and what my disability means in terms of how I do things. I know that if I give my best and am true to what I believe I should say then the rest is ultimately out of my hands. yet as much as I know this I’m still somewhat daunted by the whole prospect.

why am I telling you this? Well partly so that if you’r the praying type you will spare some time to pray for me as I prepare my sermon and preach it on Sunday. Also I guess I want to cary on my vow to be honest with you about the ways in which my new reality affects every part of my life not least of all my faith and how I seek to serve the local church community.

Why I play blind sports at nearly 40!

If you’ve spent any time talking to me over the past 18-months or if you follow me on Facebook you will have noticed a newfound interest in playing blind sports namely blind cricket and goalball. You may, like my long-suffering wife, be somewhat surprised that I’ve developed this keen interest at a time in life when most sensible people have long-since given up playing any regular sport.

So what’s brought on this sudden desire to give up valuable time and energy when there are so many other worthwhile things I could be doing?

Yes it’s in part due to my desire to get fitter and be more active especially in light of my mild heart-attack in 2009. yes I was somewhat talked into it by my colleague Hannah Webber who is the Disability Sports Officer at the University of Nottingham and Faye Dale, the Sports and healthy lifestyle Coordinator at the Nottinghamshire Royal Society for the Blind. I was also trying to find other things I could do outside of work and church which would bring me into contact with a wider grip of people than my somewhat limited previous social circle.

that is all true but it’s not the main reason. The main reason why I’ve ended up being captain of the NRSB knights blind blind cricket team and a founding member of the Nottingham Sheriff’s goalball team is quite simple. No it’s not because I want to do anything as grand as play in the para-olympics, I realise that’s not going to happen. No the key reason why I have taken up playing these sports and why I enjoy it so much is because I have been given the opportunity to do so which I was never given before.

I don’t want this to turn into a sob story but the fact of the matter is I was never allowed to take part in PE lessons at School and to be honest I didn’t think I would’ve been any good anyway. I was that kid who had to sit on the sidelines doing extra homework whilst PE lessons went on especially as I missed to much school due to the may operations I had on my eyes as a child. Ok so you may think that’s no bad thing, who wouldn’t want to get out of cross-country running in the wind and rain or having to face the embarrassment of being picked last when teams were picked. As I say I didn’t think I’d be much good at sport and I had so many friends who were very good at it that in a way I didn’t think I was missing much and wasn’t too bothered about it.

I did briefly flirt with playing some blind sports whilst at Uni and found myself playing a few games of blind cricket and goalball for a Yorkshire team courtesy of a persuasive friend from leeds! Whilst I enjoyed the experience it didn’t last long and so I never took it further and have pretty much not done anything for what is the best part of the past 15years.

So why have I taken it up again? We’ll quite simply because the aforementioned Hannah and Faye gave me a opportunity to try it again and gave me the encouragement to just give it a go and see what happened..and just look at what has happened: I was made captain of the NRSB Knights blind cricket team and have found myself playing at some national goalball tournaments and what’s more we came away with some medals. Not bad for someone who turns 40 next year eh?!!

Why do I enjoy it so much? why do I put myself through the pain and hassle of going to training and spending time away from Erica and the kids at a weekend when I work full-time the rest of the week? Well again there are a range of related reasons, both blind cricket and goalball are very inclusive sports played by both male and female and by people with other disabilities as well as a visual impairment. I also enjoy the sense of camaraderie I get with my team-mates and the sense of achievement i get when things go right (we won’t talk bout the times when things go horribly wrong like being bowled out first ball when opening the batting!). It’s really hard to pick out one reason as more important than the other but the fact of the matters I really really enjoy it and am really wanting to seize the opportunity I have been given and encourage other blind and partially-sighted people to give it a go as well.

So apologies if go on a bit about it, I can’t help it if I’ve found something I enjoy and want others to know about it. It’s also no exaggeration to say that playing bind sports over the summer has been a key part of helping me adjust to life with no vision and I have really valued the support I have had from my teammates and coaching staff. it’s as a result of this support that I have decided to take part in the upcoming firewalk to raise funds for the NRSB Knights cricket team and help us to develop the team further and give others the opportunity I have had. If you’ve not already then do visit our Justgivingpage and consider sponsoring me. Otherwise keep watching Facebook etc for news of how we progress next season Ned beyond.

Perhaps I need a rethink on getting a guide dog?

I knew from early on that one of the most difficult aspects of losing my sight was going to be getting out and about independently Although I wasn’t as confident and independent as I’d like to have been before the accident I nevertheless had got to a point where I was able to walk to and/or from work, go into Beeston to a choice of coffee shops or pop to the corner shop if I needed essentials like bread (or beer!). I was also relatively happy using a local bus particularly if it was one of the ones with talking stop announcements

Having been back at work full-time now for a couple of weeks I can safely say that the thing that has had me most frustrated is the fact that walking to and from work is no longer a pleasurable experience but instead is extremely stressful and I’m far more prone to bump into stuff, take unexpected detours along the way or generally get confused and arrive home worn out and on occasions close to tears. yes it is early days and I’ve not managed to have any formal mobility training and I know it can get better with practice but it’s safe to say I’ve been getting more lifts from Erica to / from work than I would like to and and less likely to go out on my own to meet someone the pub or coffee shop.

This has all got me thinking that perhaps I do actually need to rethink my thoughts on having another guide dog. I have had 2 guide dogs before and as mobility aids they are truly fantastic, they really do bring you a great sense of freedom and independance which I would love. There are huge issues though regarding the fact they are dogs the need to be looked after and having a dog in the house even a well-trained guide dog is another factor for us to consider as a family. yes I’m sure the kids would get to like the idea again and although neither Erica or I are or have ever been doggy people we did on the whole enjoy having a dog in the house.

So I have made a phone call to the local Guide Dogs office and I’m meeting one of their mobility instructors later this week. It’s still very very early stages, the process could take up to 12-18 months and I still don’t know if it’s the right thing for me/us but I’m at least wanting to open up the conversation again and see where it takes me. The one thing I do know is that I need something i hate having to rely on Erica I ate not being able to get some daily exercise from my 25 min walk which I could do at a decent pace. I hate having to be guided all the time. Yes I use my long cane but it’s just not as liberating or enjoyable experience as being out and about with a guide dog. so we’ll see where this takes me and watch this space for updates along the way.

I’m actually very fortunate..

One of my many flaws in life is being thankful for what I have got instead of moaning about what I haven’t got. I know I’m not alone in this and a big part of it is a bi-product of my visionary nature that can see how much things could be so much better in life if only we truly wanted them to be. It’s an area I’ve always wrestled with but I’m even more acutely aware of as I seek to live out my faith and live a life worth of calling myself a follower of Jesus.

In reflecting on returning to work and the new challenges I’m facing I have been reminded just how fortunate I actually am to actually have a job in the first place and not only a job but one that’s full-time, permanent, is reasonably well paid and which I know I’m quite good at. Ok so I didn’t leave school or University with a passionate desire to work as a Disability Adviser, I actually wanted to go into journalism but that’s another story, however I have spent most of my working life working in this area and on the whole it is a rewarding role with plenty variety and opportunities to develop new skills. What’s more there are some good perks working at a University such as being able to use Uni facilities and getting quite generous holidays; although before you think it no I don’t get the whole summer off.

Do I see myself working as a Disability Adviser until retirement age? That I don’t really know although it’s safe to say there are other things I’d like to do in life and who knows what the future holds, one thing I do know however is that I am incredibly fortunate to have a job especially at the current time and in light of the fact that so many disabled people find it really really hard to get work and many end up without work for large periods of life. It may surprise you to know that according to the Royal National Institute of Blind people (RNIB) around 75% of blind and partially-sighted people who have the necessary skills, knowledge and experience to work are unemployed. Yep you read that right, 75% of blind people of working age are without a job. This figure is about the same when you extend it out to other groups of disabled people. Yes I know you have to be careful with statistics and no I’m not going to get into all the politics ere but hopefully you get the picture that as a disabled person you face a real uphill battle to not only find work but to find work that you enjoy and which has the right terms and conditions. I was reminded of just how fortunate I am only a couple of weekends ago whilst playing in a blind cricket tournament where I met many blind and partially-sighted people in very 20’s and 30’s who were out of work and who had been for quite some time even though they’d been doing all they could to find a job.

What’s even more amazing in my case is that I didn’t actually get my first job until I was 26 having spent 7 years after leaving school doing 2 undergraduate degrees in completely different subjects and spending a year as a volunteer youth and community worker for a church in Glasgow. Not only that but having got myself a good job as Disability Adviser at Nottingham Trent University where I did my first undergraduate degree I committed what was considered career suicide by resigning from it so we could go to Northumberland and be involved in a church planting project which didn’t work out as we’d hoped.

So here I am, fast approaching 40 and working for a top Russell group University with decent pay, decent holidays and able to walk to work. I should be thankful, I am thankful, I know how fortunate I am and I do know that I’m where I am because God has put me here. That’s not to say it’s been an easy journey getting here, there have been some real bumpy bits along the way but I do have to remind myself how fortunate I am and what a privileged position I’m actually in. Does that mean I won’t moan about the fact we’re fast approaching the start of a new academic year and all that means, hmm, what do you think, however what it does mean is that I must continue to challenge myself to remain thankful even though it’s often the last thing I want to be.

Back at work..

You may have noticed I’ve been very quiet on the blogging front of late. There are 2 main reasons for this, firstly we managed to get some time away as a family for the last 2 weeks in August and secondly I was then back to work full-time.

This wasn’t my first time back at work since the accident, I had managed a week of reduced hours just before we went on holiday although this was primarily a chance to start to get myself back into the work routine, meet with my boss, clear some emails and generally just get a feel for how I would cope. Thankfully it all went reasonably ok although if I’m honest it all very odd being back after such a long time away and having to explain to people why I’d been off for so long and what the impact of my total lack of sight might mean.

So how was it going back full-time having had a further 2 weeks off?

Well again in the spirit of trying to be brutally honest it was really really tough. Yes there was the physical aspects of having to be up and ready for work, get into work, do a days work and then try to be in some fit state at home with the family. I was at this point still on pretty regular painkillers and although I’d not been sat on my backside watching daytime TV whilst I’d been off it’s not like I’d been doing my usual pattern of walking to work, being in meetings, dealing with emails and phone calls, going to the gym etc etc. So needless to say I think I spent quite a bit of that first week back coming home exhausted and finding myself falling asleep on the sofa in the early evening!

Perhaps the most difficult aspect of it all however was the whole emotional impact of being back in the work environment and having to get my head back into work mode. I really did feel quite detached from it all those first few days which I know shouldn’t have come as a real surprise after so long off but it too me by surprise just how much I felt like this and how hard I found it trying to get back into the saddle so to speak. It wasn’t all bad, my colleagues were great at making me feel welcomed back and I could tell that they were genuinely pleased to have me back and I do owe them a lot of thanks for how they covered for me in my absence. My boss was also great at giving me the time, space and support I needed and she continues to do so. That said however it’s safe to say that the best way to describe how I felt in those first few days back was as if I was stood at the bottom of a mountain watching an avalanche about to consume me and not having the physical or emotional energy to do anything but stand there and wait for it to hit me.

Thankfully however this week has been a much better week although not without it’s challenges. I’m certainly glad I’ve got another week or so before the academic term starts proper. I’m still trying to work out the best way to get to and from work and am at present getting a lift in with Erica. I’m still having to tell colleagues who I’ve not seen all summer what happened and how it is affecting me. I’m still not quite back to my usual routine of getting to the gym once a week. I do however feel like I’m beginning to be able to get myself into ear with the work that needs done and to be able to start to pull things back from my colleagues who have been covering me for over 2 months now.

Life without colour

As I continue to adjust to my reality without sight I have been reflecting over the past few days over what I miss the most. As stated previously I didn’t have a lot of useful sight before my accident and what I had was only in one eye (the one I bashed on the cupboard door!) however I was able to make out certain things, shapes, outlines, glimpses and so on.

I’ve already blogged about how my new situation won’t really affect the way I access information as I’ve been doing this via computers and other electronic means for years. yes there is the obvious impact it is having on my ability to get around independently particularly in unfamiliar settings. yes there is all that as well as other stuff like now knowing when the lights are on in a room, disturbed sleep patterns and the visual hallucinations which I’m still getting although not as regularly.

What then do I miss the most?

Well it’s dawned on me that what I miss the most is colour. yes it’s true that before the accident I could only make out bold colours and was no good with subtle pastel shades or the difference between a navy blue and a black for instance however I could nonetheless tell if something was red, green, yellow etc etc.

Why does this matter?

Well I’ve not really thought about this aspect of going totally blind before but it has hit me in the past few days that the absence of all colour in my life is at best tedious and at best quite depressing. No longer can i see the vibrant colour of my oldest daughter’s auburn hair and the different shades of hair of my other children. No longer can I see the colour of the clothes I am wearing or would like to wear or that of those worn by others. No longer can i tell the colour of our car from that of the others around me. No longer can i see if it’s a sunny day versus an overcast day although yes I can feel the warmth of the sun on me. No longer will I be able to look out the window on a snowy day and see the blanket of white. No longer will I be able to see the contrast between grass and the path in a park or even a glimpse of bright lights or fireworks in dark winter skies.

I could go on but hopefully you get the message. yes i have my mental images of ow things were but even now they are starting to fade. yes I have weird sensations of bright light and darkness even though this is totally unrelated to external stimulus and I think is part of the visual hallucinations. Yes I have found myself paying much more attention to the sounds of things around me to formulate a picture of what’s around me. yes I can get people to describe things to me as happened on some occasions before.

This is all true. I’m sure I will get used to it and find other ways to engage my imagination but that doesn’t take away from the fact that my world is now one not even of black and white but black and black. I know what I had before wasn’t a lot but it really is true that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone and boy am I missing it at the moment.

Apologies for the silence

Yeah ok so I’m a bit rubbish at this blogging lark, or rather shall I say I’ve been kept busy by things like returning to work and visiting friends!! I won’t make any excuses, apart from the ones I just have!! it’s not that I haven’t wanted to blog, I still have lots of stuff running around in my mind and have part-written several posts in my head but not got round to sitting down and writing them. Oh and I’ve also just got myself a Kindle and have been happily playing with it reading my daily newspaper and some books etc – and as I write that I’m thinking there’s probably a blog post on how on earth a blind person can use gadgets like a kindle!!

anyway don’t give up on me guys , I will be back, I’m still doing ok although I have been in a bit more eye pain the past week or so and this going to work lark has taken it out of me even though I’m only going in on reduced hours at the mo.

Thanks and keep checking back to see if I’ve managed to get myself into gear and posted anything new!!